Click to expand...Would you consider it needed for the sole purpose of it...
Click to expand...Would you consider it needed for the sole purpose of it being in dialogue? You could still put something like He tried to mimic the sound of the whip... and achieve the same effect. Personally, I'd recommend to avoid trying to spell sounds out because you have a great possibility to confuse your reader (unless done right or with the right sound--I would not use wapeesh without at least some explanation outside of dialogue). There are some occasions when you do need to spell it out through dialogue though. For example:It went ka-bloom! He jumped in the air and fanned his arms to the outside.Wait, wait, the other said, trying to hold a laugh. How'd it go?Ka-bloom! He repeated the motion, spit flying from his mouth as he sailed through the air.So if your use of the imitated whip crack falls into a category somewhat like this, maybe your character makes the whip sound after everything he says or after every good joke he comes up with or after he bests someone, I'd probably use wapeesh for the sound in that case. It seems closest to how I personally try to mimic a whip. As I said above though, I'd make sure it had an explanation so folks didn't think you just misspelled capeesh.I think I know what your getting at. And, you were right the 1st time.I'm pretty sure the scenario will explain it anyway.Dave, Jim, and Mike are having a conversation about Dave and his new girlfriend.In the middle of Dave's rant about how awesome his girlfriend is, and how they are doing so much together, Mike and Jeff have a quiet conversation amongst themselves.Man, Dave sure is p***y whipped. Mike quietly whispers do Jim.Tell me about it. Wha-psh! Jim says with a grin on his face.________________I do know what you mean by actually spelling it. I think if the audience knows where its going they will understand.EDIT: Another thing you might want to think of is that in other languages they have different noises. It doesn't make sense but here is a few examples.http://www.eleceng.adelaide.edu.au/personal/dabbott/animalI know it is spelled in different languages but it is still pronounced differently as well.EDIT 2: heres a youtube video of people from different countries pronouncing them.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEpudI87Pewas opposed to blatantly saying right to the guys face.like talking behind someones back right in front of them.it was just an example for the question of how to spell a sound in a dialogue. it looked like the people who posted didn't quite get what the original thread was about.i guess he could of said it to both the guys instead of secretly saying that dave was p whipped to jim but that doesnt really matter.its really about how you would say the sound of a cracking of a whip out loud in a dialogue.now i get what u meant.I didn't put much thought into what i was saying i guess. I didn't know it was going to be picked apart like that.Those are things that I have to watch for when I do write. It will probably benefit me to get into a good habit of writing correctly the first time but I still have a lot to learn.VM80 had a good point as well. I don't think either way of doing it (spelling it out in dialogue or writing the action) will work in every instance. I guess its up to your discretion.I hope we helped. I know we tried.
Tested: Does a Bullwhip Break the Speed of Sound
Does this seriously sound okay?
this is the first part of my story. please read it, its a bit long.
The girl couldn’t have been older than 14. Her hair was tied in a single, dark ponytail, the pink scrunchie matching her lip gloss. Her powder blue school uniform was in almost perfect condition, knee socks the same height, shirt tucked in,...
this is the first part of my story. please read it, its a bit long.
The girl couldn’t have been older than 14. Her hair was tied in a single, dark ponytail, the pink scrunchie matching her lip gloss. Her powder blue school uniform was in almost perfect condition, knee socks the same height, shirt tucked in, jacket done up. That was, of course, discounting the gaping hole in her side, its bloody red edges blaring like fire against the cool blue uniform. Her phone was still clutched in her hand. Its little screen was cracked, streaks of white running across the black off-screen.
That was how she had been found. She had called her friend.
I stepped out across the street from the park. It was cold, so I did my jacket up. My shoes made a slapping noise on the steely-grey pavement, accompanied by the roaring of the main road two streets away. A dog yapped from a nearby garden, and a late night bird twittered in the twisted trees in the park. No one else was around but me.
I picked up my pace as the sky began to darken to an inky spill of red, blue and black. Mum hated it when I stayed out too late. I should have called from Akane’s house, but my phone was running out of credit. We’d been doing her sister’s hair again, which takes forever because she has too much of it.
I stopped. Footsteps?
Couldn’t be. No one is out this late, and the street had been deserted when I’d crossed from the park. I chalked it up to imagination, and carried on walking. The history essay was in for tomorrow. If I didn’t get it done tonight, the teacher would kill me. I hated history. Why do we have to learn about the past? What’s happened has happened, why bother looking back twice a week. I had much better things to do, like bashing my brains out against large slabs of concrete.
Then it came again. The tapping noise. I wheeled around, hair whipping my eyes, but no one was there. The lampposts would cast a shadow in my direction, so there was definitely no one there. Even so, my senses were still on high alert. My breathing seemed ten times louder, and my heart sounded like a drumbeat.
‘Hey, Reiko! Wait up!’ yelled Akane’s voice from down the street. Oh, thank gods it was only her. Just like her to sneak up on me. I leant against the rough brick wall behind me, and waited for her to catch up. I whistled a bit, and then shut up. It sounded too cliché.
Akane’s thin figure appeared in the lamplight coming out of an alley to my right. Her red hair glowed like a halo in the yellow light. She waved, and ran towards me.
‘Heya, why are you out here?’ I shouted in her direction. She caught up, breath puffing out of her like the stuff that comes out of steam pistons.
‘Just – wanted – to – see – you,’ she wheezed, and looked up. Then I saw her eyes. They were black, all the way through, pitch black without a single speck of colour, tar-like. The shock must have crossed my face, because her lips twisted into a smirk.
‘Wha-?’ I began, backing away.
‘Don’t even think about running. It will only be worse.’ Akane – no, it – said, its voice now a hideous double-timbre.
Of course I ran. Who wouldn’t? My feet pounded into the pavement, which was now like glue under my shoes, the same desperate rhythm as my heart. I peeked back, to see a shiny glint of metal in Akane’s hand. She had a knife. She had a knife! That was totally illegal. I ducked around a big metal bin in an alley, hoping it would conceal me.
I leaned as far back into the shadows as the laws of physics would allow me, and tried to stop my frantic breathing. In, then out, just like yoga.
‘Come out; come out, wherever you are! You can’t hide forever!’ shrieked Akane. She was in the alley. A squeak escaped my lips, and she spun around, her shoes grinding on the gravelly floor. I was sure she could see me. Her eyes said it all. I pressed my body even tighter to the icy metal of the bin, wishing it would eat me where I stood.
Akane’s face loomed inches from mine. I could smell the pizza we’d had for dinner on her breath, and the faint powdery smell of her foundation. Sweat trickled down my head. We’d been laughing less than an hour ago.
‘Ak-’ I started.
‘Silence!’ she screamed, loud enough for the whole road to hear. ‘I’m not Akane, child. You’ll never know who I am...’
Her voice trailed off as I felt a cold, aching pain in my side. I touched my hand to it, and it came away wet. She’d stabbed me. My best friend. No. It couldn’t be. I must be dreaming. I dug my nails into my palms, and felt pain there too. So it wasn’t a dream.
I’d seen wounds like this on television. They never survived for long, definitely not long enough to get to a hospital. Hope flickered out like a dying firefly in front of my eyes. I bent my knees a bit, slumping.
Usually with questions like these, my answer is a kinder version of "No. It does not sound okay. There are lots of grammatical errors, no flow, bad dialogue, the characters aren't believable, and there is no plot."
Not the same for you!
I truly enjoyed it-- the plot sounds interesting, I liked the characters, and the grammar and spelling were perfect. I especially liked the line, "Of course I ran. Who wouldn't?" I don't know why, but that line was very human.
So in answer to your question, yes, it does seriously sound okay.
:) Fellow writer.
I wish there was a spelling for the sound of a whip cracking
The closest I could come to for spelling out a sound of effect. A whip cracking.
Thesound effect for the crack of a whip is sometimes whoo-PAH!.
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